Time-Off

Parents esp. of smaller kids go through their days trying to adjust everyday to their new demanding lifestyle and at times yearning for the days of carefree pre-kid lifestyle.
We are no different - going through our day jobs and coming back to the busy kid-filled evenings ending in a sigh before sleep and then with a couple of deep breaths the next morning, the madness starting all over again!

Looking for a little break from our overloaded lives, a few days ago - we decided to take a day off from work. Sending our little one to the daycare, we ended up at a theater for a movie.
We did try this dinner/movie date a couple of times earlier this year, when my parents could baby-sit our son, but did end up talking about him all through the dinner :-) Even through the movie, my thoughts were going back to my baby - whether he had eaten or if he was throwing a fit. So, we came back feeling no different than if we had been home with him - not a very successful time-off for us.
I guess it is to be expected since our whole lives revolve around the kids these days and we find it hard to let-go even for a few hours.

Anyway, coming back to the present - for the first time in 3 and half years, we actually enjoyed the movie and our conversations were not about our little one. It was great, relaxed - almost like our pre-kid days :-) It was also a little surreal with a twinge of guilt but apart from that we had a wonderful time.

As we were driving back, we somehow got into an argument which ofcourse related to our little one. The irony of it was how comfortable I felt with just our mundane daily chatter - too prosaic for everyone else but I was almost happy to be back and remember thinking "I know this - its my world!" :-)

Raindrops on Roses

It is amazing what idle 'googling' might just return - in my case was a short story published in Sulekha 7 years ago, my first one! Reading it again felt a little strange - almost like it was written in a different world. I guess it was - fresh out of school, looking for a job and of course single & starry-eyed :-) Here it is..

http://shalini-siddhanti.sulekha.com/blog/post/2002/11/raindrops-on-roses.htm

Raindrops on Roses

Settling on her favorite chair on the porch with a cup of coffee, Deeksha gazed at the heavy dark skies. It looked as if it would pour anytime now. She loved the rain. It gave her a sense of almost celestial excitement. She felt as if the heavens were trying to reach her by melting the clouds in the skies.

Vishwas never did like the rains and preferred sunny weather. They had once debated about the relative merits of the weather. It was one of the numerous differences they had. She smiled at the thought of him. He was one of those unflappable human species with complete confidence in his ideas and abilities.

They could never agree on a single viewpoint. Their inaugural argument was on the day they first met at a friend's wedding. After the party, he offered to drop her home and walking towards the parking lot there was this cute little girl selling glorious long stemmed red roses. Deeksha could never resist red roses. They seemed to convey a special meaning of love and passion. She had stopped by and bought a couple of them. Vishwas had started off with “Flowers are supposed to be on trees.” She retorted, “These roses are grown specially to be sold.” They had argued about it all the way back home.

That was almost eight months ago and since then they would squabble at every opportunity. They talked about everything – from philosophy to sex, from politics to sports. And fought on most of the occasions. They were a world of contrasts. Deeksha was very fair with above average looks and a petite figure compared to his tall, dark and geeky frame. He liked to refer to himself as tall, dark and handsome -- of which 'handsome' was debatable. She was what he called an eternal optimist. Despite the odds she believed something wonderful awaited her around the corner. He was a cynical and hardheaded realist. Deeksha was a sensitive and intense person -- getting excited and as easily upset for small issues. He had a cool and utterly logical attitude that sometimes frustrated her. How can anybody not be spontaneous. Their frequent interaction (it was more likely their consistent bickering) drew them closer and she was getting used to his presence. He knew all her moods -- when she was happy, when she was feeling lonely, when she was disturbed and what pissed her off. She told him everything she did from the time she got up till she went to bed. It felt natural. And Deeksha demanded to know how he spent his day. In the beginning he used to get irritated by the story telling of the day. But after sometime, he actually started liking it. They talked about their dreams, ambitions, family and almost everything. There were times when she had actually dozed off while talking to him.

The last time they met had been a couple of days before his India trip. They had gone for a late night movie after having dinner at a Burmese restaurant. When he was dropping her home, she remembered that he had asked for books to read on the plane. While she had gone to get the books, he had by chance picked up her diary lying in the living room:

Sometimes I wonder how
within such a short while
We became so comfortable
close and easy to be with…

I will forever treasure our
moments together
And cherish our friendship
with all its experiences

So, no matter what the future
may hold for us
-our distinct paths may lead us
-our different destinies may drive us

Hoping to be somewhere in your thoughts!

Just as he finished reading, she had snatched the book from his hands declaring it as private. He apologized and said he didn't know she wrote poems. She blushed, “Nah…I just pen my thoughts sometimes.” He murmured something about it being nice and the next thing she knew was they were arguing about the contents of her writings -- whether something predetermined really existed. Deeksha believed in destiny and that God had created each individual for a purpose. On the other hand, Vishwas had firm convictions that it was up to an individual as to how he carved his future. And by the time they realized it was almost 6.00 am. They had been talking all night. Since it was summer, it was already dawn. They had looked out of the window at the bright light of the world and had laughed so much. It was one of the experiences she cherished the most.

Pulling her thoughts to the present, Deeksha looked around while trying to sort out her feelings. It was raining heavily now. She could see the campus from her apartment. It was deserted except for a couple of kids across the street getting drenched and laughing. Vishwas had come back from India this morning. She wanted to call him up but had been busy with the assignments and classes all day. And besides he would be tired. She would give it a try that night.

All these months, they had shared a wonderful friendship. Her emotions towards him had taken a different turn since he left. She started realizing what he meant to her when he wasn't around. And after a few days she literally started counting the days as to when he would return. She missed hearing his voice, telling him about those small and irrelevant incidents. He had mailed her twice from India, once informing her that he had reached safely and the other asking if she wanted something from there. She hadn't realized how much she had become dependent on him, always counting on his mature advice and caring support whenever she needed it.

How would she ever let Vishwas know about her feelings now? She didn't have a clue whether he thought about her in the same way. What if he always considered her as his best friend? She didn't mind conveying her thoughts. But if he didn't feel the same way, wouldn't it ruin a perfectly wonderful friendship they had shared? And even if he loved her, there was this huge issue about her family. How in the world would he be able to handle it? She hoped the difference in her feelings wouldn't show when they met.

A familiar figure walking towards the apartment apparently drenched interrupted her thoughts. Vish! Her heart skipped several beats. Instinctively -- she ran towards him and stopped a few feet away. Her heart was beating so loudly that she was afraid he would hear it. Looking into her eyes he said simply, “I've missed you.” Startled she replied breathlessly, “I missed you too.” Vishwas removed his hand from behind his back, which held a dozen red roses. She took the bouquet, staring at the raindrops on the lovely red roses as if it were an omen of something beautiful that was about to happen. Then looking up, Deeksha searched his face for an explanation. “Isha, I have not been able to get you out of my mind. Being away from you and your poem made me think about us beyond friendship. I still don't believe in destiny but I want our paths together leading to the same destination. Will you be my present and my future?” He was the only one outside her family who called her Isha. Sensing her concern he continued, “I can understand the resistance from our families. It's going to take time to convince them but eventually we'll win.” Cupping her face with his hands and looking into her eyes he said, “Trust me, Isha. We will work it out. Give us a chance.” Instantly her fears vanished -- with sparkling eyes and a smile that lit his heart, she hugged him fiercely.

Frowning he then said, “Now that my chivalrous romantic proposal has been accepted, can we go in for better surroundings? The bloody rain is soaking my insides.” She started to argue, suddenly laughed seeing his mischievous eyes, “You go ahead, and I'll join you in a minute.” She looked up at the skies and closed her eyes as the rain danced on her face, holding the bunch of roses near her heart -- thanked the heavens for blessing her with this moment.